Chill out posting

I'm starting to enjoy O&G posting cuz I get a lot of free time in between and schedule wise, it's not as hectic as all the other major postings I'd been through. Wheee~ I had time to spare on things I like, like shopping! and I'm blogging more often these days! :D Wanted to look for a dress but I ended up with 2 pairs of flip-flops, 2 pairs of shorts and 2 pairs of boxies. d: I just happened to grab all of them in doubles, unintentionally. So my intention to buy a dress was forfeited cuz I didn't want to spend so much in a day. Shall hunt for it in KL this weekend. I bought things which are more practical for me, as in I'm gonna wear them more often on daily basis than those dresses which I usually wear just once. Flip-flops, shorts and boxies are necessities on personal demand cuz they are so simple yet comfy.

In the afternoon, I had 4 hours of good long nap after so many nights of induced awakening by my own heart beat. It's been beating so hard I could feel the gush of blood shot right up to the pulsating carotids, or when I laid on lateral positions, I could hear the lub-dub rhythmic contractions in either ear. Probably, the heart is taking extra effort to compensate the ongoing monthly blood loss. Luckily it's coming to an end. Pheww~ Spent the rest of the day preparing for tomorrow's presentation, reading journals and articles on Pelvic Organ Prolapse. Truth to be told, I've never equipped myself this well over a presentation. It's an exception this time cuz 'you-know-what-I-mean' is coming! I still have a bit of stuff to alter which I'm still procrastinating over.

Called mummy at night cuz I hadn't heard her voice for days and we chatted for a while. Finally told her bout my little secret which she sounded more excited than me. (: Sometimes, mummy is just my best confidante whenever I'm in need of someone to talk to and she's the mummy who likes what I like, most importantly, she supports every decision of mine. The only time when I do not tell her things is when I do not want her to be worried. Now, I feel better after telling it to someone dear than keeping all these thoughts and feelings to myself. For all I know, I can run to my safe refuge should anything go negative and cry my heart out. It's hard to contain both sorrow and joy all by myself cuz I need someone to share it with.

On the other hand, I hope I'm not emotionally dependent currently, but I think I'm falling deeper and deeper into this feeling. Arghhh!! How???!! Every little word he said, every little gesture he'd shown caught my heart beating faster. Is that why I'm having palpitation? He does things at the right tempo, just as I wished. And as expected, I miss his presence pretty much... Most of everyday is filled with anticipation for a conversation. How???!! I hate to play this game of disguise and maintain my cool before him. I'm like a melting snowman who's unable to stand firm on my principle now. I say things which are generally beyond my norms. Oh, do you know how much I want to be like the water, a completely melted icy snowman. If only I could hear him teling me that he's feeling the same. If only he would tell me this is not a dream. ): I don't know why is it that I'm posting this but I do think about him dearly as the days go by. Sigh, keel me larhh! or I should just pull the trigger and get the bullet straight through my head. One day if he reads this, that's the end of me. Sigh. It's time to sleep this off. Yes, nowwwwwww!!! Nitez!