Sunday, June 26, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Talk or not
My mom knows me best. She knows that I'm someone who will not initiate a call because I'm always expecting her to call on normal days. Whenever I made a call, she'd know that I have something bothering me and yes, she'd somehow lead me into sharing my problems with her. I think mom is right about me. I don't make unnecessary calls unless I'm in a brooding frame of mind.
After several days of contemplating what I should have done, I made a call today. The matter has been stalking my thoughts and I really wanted to bring it up yet I still failed in the end. At some point, I realized there ain't much to talk about and I ended the call briefly. If only the other party was like mom who'd guide me into sharing, things would have been easier. Indeed, communication is not as easy as it seems. Tell me this is not a communication breakdown, please. ):
After several days of contemplating what I should have done, I made a call today. The matter has been stalking my thoughts and I really wanted to bring it up yet I still failed in the end. At some point, I realized there ain't much to talk about and I ended the call briefly. If only the other party was like mom who'd guide me into sharing, things would have been easier. Indeed, communication is not as easy as it seems. Tell me this is not a communication breakdown, please. ):
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Flipflop Ella
Chibeepork: Hello, what's your name?
Ella: Flip flop (pointed at her flip flop)
Chibeepork: Huh? What's your name?
Ella: Flip flop!!
Me: Hi flip flop, do you want sweets?
Ella: No!
Me: Do you want chocolate?
Ella: No!
Me: Do you want toys?
Ella: Yes!! (hopped around and ran to my embrace)
Me: Come Ella, smile at the camera..
She'd look at the picture every time we snapped one.
Me: Who's this?
Ella: (pointed at her own picture) Ella!
Kids are so adorable, sometimes I wished to be a pediatrician just for their sake. Well, who knows, perhaps I will? It's definitely going to make me feel like a small hero, feeling the familiar clutch of a child on my leg like a koala! Simply too adorable, aren't they?
Monday, June 13, 2011
Two months and counting
I don't remember when and how this feeling came. More than a year ago, I was very certain this day would not come. That was how I affirmed my friends when they asked if I'll ever fall for him. Not at the slightest possibility I figured. I mean, we're really different in terms of character and sentiment and I have my own rationale when love comes into play. Funny how people of two different poles attract inadvertently. As much as I tried to avoid and tell myself that that was just an infatuation, I was actually accentuating my own feelings and breaching my own dictum. Somehow, it happened and we're together. *chuckles*
At times, I still find it unfathomable that I'd made a move. Well, at least I tried and things worked out arbitrarily miraculous despite the fact that I was scarred by multiply strokes of diffidence from past experiences and that had animated a cautious me. My defense mechanism was high. So high, I guarded myself from being read but the broken locks made me an open book instead. It was tough to juggle between comfort and insecurity when a part of me wanted him so badly yet I was unable to balance my own faith. I didn't know how to trust a person. Now I shall pronounce, I have not regretted a single bit because he'd proved me wrong.
I couldn't be more appreciative when every time I asked a question which was ludicrous, he would assure me that I was just worrying too much and everything's gonna be alright. I'm thankful for that and because no one does it better than him. It's hard to maintain at stage 3 and 4 of a relationship while I reckon the 'chase', is still the best part. The flush of excitement from my overworked sympathetic system was all I experienced then. The adrenaline cooled and I'm adjusted to those thrills. I hadn't written much since we entered the 'honeymoon' stage, not because I was bored of it. I just wanted to keep things subtle and be less emotional for I'm already an author of such.
Two months into knowing someone who was once a stranger wasn't at all easy. I was really clingy at first. While I thought this cocoon will provide me a safe sanctuary and aid me from vulnerabilities, I was wrong. It burst and I was freed from my hiding place to be more independent. I was exposed to more vulnerabilities, yet at every stumbling step, I learned something new. Like a run of trial and error, occasionally making mistakes and creating doubts but I began to know him better. I sought for what I had to seek - understanding. That's it! Adaptation by adopting everything about him and make it a part of me. To be comfortable is when we can truly be ourselves but learning how to give and take is crucial. I toned down from being clingy and demanding (though I still do once in a while).
Of course, to complement my imperfection, I need someone who will love me for me, not for what I've done or what I will become. As I read and reread those chat messages, I recognized he's been really easy-going and patient with me despite the fact that I couldn't help throwing tantrum for all sorts of reasons and he'd never complained one bit. He amazed me in a manner of tolerance I thought was long gone in man. One month ago when we met, I was caught in awe for all that he'd done. Decoding and interpreting his actions became an analysis I enjoyed doing during the trip. So, I actually noticed a progression from the point where we started to where we are now. The day when we began was probably arbitrary but today is certainly an effort. Happy 2 months and many more to come!
At times, I still find it unfathomable that I'd made a move. Well, at least I tried and things worked out arbitrarily miraculous despite the fact that I was scarred by multiply strokes of diffidence from past experiences and that had animated a cautious me. My defense mechanism was high. So high, I guarded myself from being read but the broken locks made me an open book instead. It was tough to juggle between comfort and insecurity when a part of me wanted him so badly yet I was unable to balance my own faith. I didn't know how to trust a person. Now I shall pronounce, I have not regretted a single bit because he'd proved me wrong.
I couldn't be more appreciative when every time I asked a question which was ludicrous, he would assure me that I was just worrying too much and everything's gonna be alright. I'm thankful for that and because no one does it better than him. It's hard to maintain at stage 3 and 4 of a relationship while I reckon the 'chase', is still the best part. The flush of excitement from my overworked sympathetic system was all I experienced then. The adrenaline cooled and I'm adjusted to those thrills. I hadn't written much since we entered the 'honeymoon' stage, not because I was bored of it. I just wanted to keep things subtle and be less emotional for I'm already an author of such.
Two months into knowing someone who was once a stranger wasn't at all easy. I was really clingy at first. While I thought this cocoon will provide me a safe sanctuary and aid me from vulnerabilities, I was wrong. It burst and I was freed from my hiding place to be more independent. I was exposed to more vulnerabilities, yet at every stumbling step, I learned something new. Like a run of trial and error, occasionally making mistakes and creating doubts but I began to know him better. I sought for what I had to seek - understanding. That's it! Adaptation by adopting everything about him and make it a part of me. To be comfortable is when we can truly be ourselves but learning how to give and take is crucial. I toned down from being clingy and demanding (though I still do once in a while).
Of course, to complement my imperfection, I need someone who will love me for me, not for what I've done or what I will become. As I read and reread those chat messages, I recognized he's been really easy-going and patient with me despite the fact that I couldn't help throwing tantrum for all sorts of reasons and he'd never complained one bit. He amazed me in a manner of tolerance I thought was long gone in man. One month ago when we met, I was caught in awe for all that he'd done. Decoding and interpreting his actions became an analysis I enjoyed doing during the trip. So, I actually noticed a progression from the point where we started to where we are now. The day when we began was probably arbitrary but today is certainly an effort. Happy 2 months and many more to come!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
That's all I ask of you...
I find this stanza very evocative. That morning when I opened my eyes, I realized... it was only just a dream.
Say you'll love me every waking moment,
Turn my head with talk of summer time,
Say you need me with you now and always,
Promise me that all you say is true,
That's all I ask of you.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Michelle's 18th Birthday
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| Mommy and her 2 daughters. Now the joke is, both of us have fallen for people from the same hometown. ^.^ |
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| Preggy sista! The baby's gonna call me xiaoyi! |
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| Michelle Leow a.k.a. (M)eow (L)ichelle! |
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| Uncle Chin Her presented a mock key made by us (her dear cousins) cuz he bought her a Hyundai i10 on her birthday. |
Sunday, June 5, 2011
God never sleeps
I know I'm praying when my mind starts to wander and heart feels insecure. I feel such a shame. How ingloriously have I always been, taking for granted of His love, yet I know I can cast all my cares on Him for He will never abandon me no matter how many times I've failed Him. Do you feel that the Lord has forgotten your need? Yes, I do. Do you question when your prayers are not answered? Yes, I do. Do you blame God when He takes something away from you? Yes, I do.
I'm thankful to people who constantly remind me that God works in ways we cannot see and He does things in His timing. God's delay is not God's denial and every time I pray, I know the answer is on its way. Our God is able. He is mighty. He is faithful. And He never sleeps, He never slumbers. He never tires of hearing our prayer. When we are weak He becomes stronger. So rest in His love and cast all of your cares on Him.
I'm sorry Lord for being so eager at times. Please, teach me to be more patient.
I'm thankful to people who constantly remind me that God works in ways we cannot see and He does things in His timing. God's delay is not God's denial and every time I pray, I know the answer is on its way. Our God is able. He is mighty. He is faithful. And He never sleeps, He never slumbers. He never tires of hearing our prayer. When we are weak He becomes stronger. So rest in His love and cast all of your cares on Him.
I'm sorry Lord for being so eager at times. Please, teach me to be more patient.
Friday, June 3, 2011
More, each passing day
I'm supposed to be in a honeymoon posting but it seems like I don't really have much time left to slack. Exam is just two and a half months away and I have so much to read! I've been touring the medical wards, practicing short cases during my free time, bedside teaching with Dr. Anoop at night (yes, 7.30pm!) and reading as much as I can afford to. Intense spirit of kiasu-ism displaying on the other side of my true colors. Sigh. I really need to pass this exam and get out of this place as soon as possible. ):
Had a fall while my friends and I were walking, laughing and talking to Prof. Mv when I tripped on a stone and thud! I was on the ground (tarred road some more). That was really painful and embarrassing! Luckily the girls were around to clean and do dressing for the wounds. I didn't know there was a huge crowd until someone came and told me I had no defense mechanism at all cuz I literally fell flat on the ground! Damn! Such a ungraceful fall and I had abrasions at my elbows, knees and palms. T.T Please, don't leave scars...
Enough of all these uneventful situations. It's Friday again! Will be in KL today to get dearie his birthday pressie and going back home on Saturday to meet my dearest sis! I'm a hopeless romantic but when it comes to buying gifts, I'm really dumb. So, any suggestion?? I'm missing him so crazy much now I can't think. Guess it's true, absence makes the heart grows fonder. That's exactly what I'm feeling currently!! ): Time to sleep it off. I'm so sleepy....
Sorry for sounding so mushy, but I really love him in every single way including those flaws that keep me puzzled. :D Hopefully this is just the beginning of the many more birthdays I wanna celebrate for. Sweet dreams, readers! Good night!
Had a fall while my friends and I were walking, laughing and talking to Prof. Mv when I tripped on a stone and thud! I was on the ground (tarred road some more). That was really painful and embarrassing! Luckily the girls were around to clean and do dressing for the wounds. I didn't know there was a huge crowd until someone came and told me I had no defense mechanism at all cuz I literally fell flat on the ground! Damn! Such a ungraceful fall and I had abrasions at my elbows, knees and palms. T.T Please, don't leave scars...
Enough of all these uneventful situations. It's Friday again! Will be in KL today to get dearie his birthday pressie and going back home on Saturday to meet my dearest sis! I'm a hopeless romantic but when it comes to buying gifts, I'm really dumb. So, any suggestion?? I'm missing him so crazy much now I can't think. Guess it's true, absence makes the heart grows fonder. That's exactly what I'm feeling currently!! ): Time to sleep it off. I'm so sleepy....
Sorry for sounding so mushy, but I really love him in every single way including those flaws that keep me puzzled. :D Hopefully this is just the beginning of the many more birthdays I wanna celebrate for. Sweet dreams, readers! Good night!
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