The Way We Are

The song by Bruno Mars, Just The Way You Are is playing in my head now. 'When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change. Cuz you're amazing just the way you are... Oh you know, you know, you know I'd never ask you to change. If perfect is what you're searching for, then just stay the same...'

What an impeccable music to define a person's imperfection perfect. Oh, just how I love it. Life is beautiful as such!

Call me bipolar, I don't care. I know how my mood fluctuates in less than a day, from 0 degree to a total opposite of 180 degrees. For a while it hikes up to the top with an exclamation like Wheee!!! then plunges immediately to the lowest interjection like Sigh!!! Life is like a roller coaster, that explains it. So won't you tell me what's going on inside of me? It's merely another of such ride, isn't it?

Enough of emotions over the past weeks. A word of gratitude to those who had been encouraging and cheering me up, thank you! It's weird that when you are about to give up, there's often a little something which supports and rejuvenates that spirit. I don't know if it's good or bad. Well, let's be more optimistic then. It's an unending list of wishes I wished to abstain from, but somehow I often ended up with none. Like the idea of quitting this blogosphere cuz I found the contents of heart-of-serendipity are getting more and more emotional and boring. My life is so dull currently with nothing else besides stress and strives for studies. Then Karthik left a message praising this blog is awesome! Alright, I am deffo flattered and encouraged and that is what drives me here for another post with a deliberation of cutting off the tension I created previously. Hopefully I'm sounding normal.

I'm feeling less uptight now. Probably because the upcoming semester break which I'm looking forward to will be an awesome one! And the conversation with someone who mattered somehow cheered me up. I don't know. I shouldn't be feeling this when I was already at the verge of forgetting but still, it returned undefended despite the obvious hints that I need to take this off my frontal lobes. Perhaps giving up on something you like or desire is just tough. So then, let nature takes its course. Someday it shall fade because it's not yours. It definitely will(I'm trying hard). I'm happy at the moment and it's time to put on the armor for another two weeks of battlefield. Nothing else should intrude my memory and occupy the space meant for those topics I'd studied till I'm done with exams! (:

Xoxo. Lovesss!

Exhausted Fumes

Dwindling midnight oil is barely surviving.

 How do you light the fire of revival?

I can't burn anymore.

I'm burnt.

When I get older, I will be stronger!

These little black clouds,

They hover around me.
They rain so hard,
Thunder sounds.

Will a good samaritan,

Please, take them away.

I don't want to think about it,

Not anymore

When it's time to go,

I should wave,

Goodbye, dark clouds!

And grow older,

Hopefully wiser.
Welcoming,
new white fluffy clouds!
-w- 

If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with - Anonymous

Why am I here, not there?

Michelle will be graduating from high school this year,  a 17 year-old girl with your dream-of perfect model curves and height, and probably the girl next door with an immense teenage dream to fulfill. She would propose a friendly debate whenever we talk. My nerve impulses do not travel the speed of her brains to sort out what her subsequent responses are before I realized her monotonous speech bombarded my senses. She is a smart girl. That is the only phrase I could frame to describe her intelligence after running through a list of vocabularies from my dictionary. All along, I thought she would make a good lawyer, an outstanding one. That word which spells W-H-Y, terminated with a question mark is her favorite. I wouldn't be astonished to know a girl at her age with an average curiosity to beseech this straightforward yet knotty question. In fact, many questions she inquired were not to my knowledge. This missy whom I watch her grow from a cute little infant to now, a beautiful young lady is ready for her next chapter of life. It is high time for her to decide what she wants to do.

Being the eldest daughter of a reputable and well to do family, with both her parents working as doctors, norm would tell you Michelle will be going into the same line. By tradition, a family of professional vocation grooms generations of the same profession. If not many, at least one down the line. Michelle is blessed with both her parents being very thoughtful and lenient towards her and Naomi. There was a day when this girl who is still indecisive about her future being questioned by her father about her ambition. Wow, ambition. A cherished desire that is tricky to define, yet it defines your future with a vague paradigm you regard as model as you move towards the final destination and propel to achieve it.  

"Michelle, it's time for you to start thinking what you want for your future. What will you like to be?". "I don't know", the girl replied with such a familiar innocence of an unframed picture about her ambition. Daddy asked again, "Do you want us to decide for you, or you do it yourself?". "You all decide for me". "Alrighty. How about being a lawyer?". "Don't want!", the girl protested with affirmation, giving an excuse that she hates reading the subject of History. "Then, accountant?". "Don't want!", again she protested again. This time with a justification that she does badly in Mathematics. "How about engineering?". "Don't want either. I dislike Physics!". "Then what do you want? You told us to decide for you, but you oppose every suggestion given. Or you want to be an architect?". This 17 year-old whom we figured had no plans about her future, rejected every choice given to her with proper reasoning and dislikes. "I think becoming a doctor will be a better choice", she acknowledged in the end.

The conversation ripped me off my defense and made me ponder on the reason to why I am here today, here in medical school. Deep inside me, Michelle ruffled a familiarity, a mirror image of myself when I was at her age. I must confess that I preempted myself into this profession with a notion set in a similar frequency as hers, I presume. Nothing to my interest besides human and humanity. I don't really know why I am here. Once upon a time, I was pretty much inspired by those serial medical dramas I watched, and partly because I couldn't find myself doing any other jobs but saving lives. The latter reason would have made more sense, but as time goes by, I realize there are many fields out there which I favor and the compassion to save lives is almost fading as it begins to get worn out. Now that I'm into the actual life of a student who slogs and mugs, such dramas and documentaries do not appear cool to me anymore. If only I were to rephrase Michelle's favorite question to 'Why do I like medicine?', I wouldn't have joined med school. There is not even a subtle reason that explains why I am here, hurdling the multiple stressors that seems too futile for strivings, only to realize I'm competing with millions of doctors out there for a job which may not have vacancy in time to come. New diseases are erupting, the sick is suffering and people are dying, yet I no longer show empathy like before. For everyday has become a routine and when things get routinized, they get boring. The care I tried to give now has become a sympathy. Allowing myself to feel from someone else's shoes is simply a chore I'm feeling every now and then. Or am I getting callous about situation after four years of exposure?

There's no way I could reverse time and take a new path which might again taste foreign to me after some time. I'm almost there at the finishing line after four years of hard work. It would be a lie if I tell you I paid no effort. The line is nevertheless so faint, I could hardly catch a glimpse. The collection of 'Why did I choose to be a doctor?' that has come from everyone who thinks the same, I guess we can only answer that for ourselves because none can be held responsible for giving an indefinite answer. We know ourselves best. For even if we meet a blind end after plunging into the deepest corners of our hearts searching for an answer, a final reply to that question is up to us to judge whether or not it is satisfactory and to finally place a full stop to it. If we keep probing, there will be no end. A friend once said, 'We will find that peace when we know that the answer has now reach the level of the unseen world, where God is.' 

By the way, Michelle is my lovely cousin. (:

Hari Raya Open House 2010

A late greetings of Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all my Muslim friends! Wishes extended that all of you will have a great year ahead! (:

The student council is so kind to have a Hari Raya Open House in the campus. And yet another feast it was.

They look like the color of my M&N-inspired nails now! Haha. I shall show you what they are sometime later.

Alia, Chin, Anis

Mr. Anand, My former Microbiology lecturer in Manipal, also my church member from Bread of Life. It a disgrace when Mr. Anand noticed me but I didn't see him. >.< Both he and his wife took good care of me back then.

Joon Keat, Jun Mun and the lady in the middle, I don't know her name. >.<

Caught red-handed. Soo, your bf at his second round with so many satays!

Mr. Ganesh Kamath. My mentor in Manipal for a few weeks before I left for good. I had about 6 mentors back then. The story behind that was, whoever was mentoring me that time ended up leaving MMMC. -__- So I had to keep changing. I should be a record holder for this.

Glenn, partner in crime for proxy every Tuesday.

Lingesh, me, Karthik

Ismail, our MMMC idol. Haha

20 minutes spent on this post. Ok, back to serious business. STARRRDEEEE!! T____T

The Tiny Dot

I was in the 42km in diameter city again! 42km according to my bro's lecturer who detests that land, I don't know why.

The aunties of the house doing their grocery shopping at Rochor/Bugis.

Orchard

The only outlet I had no interest in but to snap pictures while waiting. Oh, I realized Longchamp is far more expensive there.

How do people take cute portrait of themselves? I can never learn that. T___T

With Dad and Mom @ Orchard

I think the tiny dot is such an occupational inept country now(sorry to all my Singaporean/Singaland PR/ Singaland inhabitant readers). No offence proposed but.. this is the story. We were leaving Singapore and passing through their immigration and the officers actually halted our car and told us to get to the side. Ok, daddy was panicking and got down the car. Probably a fine from a serious offense? See, he had even forgotten to step on the brake and we were panicking instead cuz the car was moving forward! zzz. Alvin accompanied dad into the office and confronted the working officer. The conversation went roughly so.

Officer: You have to pay a parking fine of $26(I think so).
Alvin: Huh? We paid. I have the parking coupons in the car. I'll show it to you.
Officer: No, it's a motorbike. Not a car.
Alvin: @@ WHAT??! That is obviously a car!
Officer: I don't know. But according to the fine, it's stated that your motorbike did not pay for the parking ticket in August 2006.
Alvin: What? 2006??

Okae. That was really lame, but, hello. How did an Estima metamorphosize into a motorbike? Even a transformer transforms into something bigger and more powerful or a caterpillar into a butterfly. And the summon was issued in 2006. Hello again. It's 2010 now. I guess the tiny dot is significantly comparable to my country of origin in terms of work proficiency. 4 years ago's business, they're bringing it up now. In between this period of time, how many times have we traveled through the custom without a notice about this? I couldn't count the number of times with my 10 fingers.

We were issued this letter later on for an appeal to be done. I mean, why do we even have to go through such hassle just because of a 'missense mutation' done by the person who issued the summon? It doesn't at all makes sense, does it?

By the way, here's an evidence! The Auto Pass for the Estima was issued on 1st Nov 2006. Which means, this car hasn't left for Singapore on August 2006! What crap! (:

Daddy Gets a Year Older.

Wheee! I think my brother is such a genius, he can be a FBI agent! He is really so smart!! Yes, he is!! Guess what he did?? He salvaged my memory card which I must have accidentally reformatted the other day and recovered all my missing pictures! Daddy's birthday celebration has got pikchasss!

God bless you, Daddy!! Lovesss.

Nerdy Mode?

Never knew study break can be such a bore, no joke. Day in day out, I see only books but major credit hour goes to Facebook. -___- And why is it that I'm addicted to Baking Life now? Oh well, I'm not quite a gamer as you know and the fact that I play boring games like Happy Farm, Bejeweled, Solitaire, Super Mario, Maple Story? Sigh, I hadn't had productive days since start. So, screw it screw it!!

Sorry for ranting. I deserve the guilt for progressing slow and I feel stressed out. Just a little update. Daddy's god-daughters celebrated his birthday last Saturday. My king is turning 53 tomorrow!

Just 2 pictures cuz yours truly accidentally reformatted the memory card while transferring the pictures.

Met up with Chuan Bee darling yesterday and had a good catch up. I miss you already, Beeee! Enjoy your Penang trip!! Lovesss.

Eilyn's Bridal Photoshoot

The sister's wedding shots are out. Remember I was in Penang a couple of months back for the photo shooting session? The pictures are awesome and sissy looks so pretty and gorgeous in the wedding album. My brother-in-law too.

Now, I'm looking forward to their wedding day! =D

Zaki's Twenty Fourth

This is an after-end-posting celebration for completing 8 weeks of Orthopaedics before we proceed to open the chapter of stress. In conjunction, we celebrated Zaki's birthday very much in advance since we will all be nerding and slogging hard starting next week. Like the 'last supper' kinda thing, just in case I can't pull through this hurdle and is left behind (I mean, choiii!! god forget!). We had our seafood feast, at last!

Pseudokorean vs. Koreanlookalike??!

Sharmila has that spooky eyes effect!

I hate my fringe now. T____T

The longest birthday wish on a cake. Sounded like he's gonna get married.

We must have all been obsessed by the pool. This time, we got Sharmila and Zaki down the water! Yeah, we were mean, but... it was fun!

See the struggle to drag Zaki to the pool?

Poppp!! Sharmie fell in. POOOPPPPPP!!! Zaki was in. (:

PPPOOOOPPPPP!!! This time, Shidan's turn!! ROFL

Last but not least, all the best, my dear mates. We shall meet in final year, by God's grace.