(((:

Well, well, well... another year is about to come to an end. What will I say about my year? God has been good to me indeed, in almost everything I'd say. Of course, it isn't as perfect as everyone has thought as there were still periods where I call it the 'downs'. I can barely retain most of my memories now and when I tried recalling via my blog posts, I realized how little have I talked about my life this year.

Somewhere last year, I was still pretty much in doubt about my survival skills when it comes to work. I hated the fact that I'm a doctor and the skepticism in me brought me no where but to continue from where I already am. There were times when I get so frustrated about patients and their family members who do not at all appreciate our concerns or they're just too demanding. So commonly seen among my own race and I'll try by all means to avoid such people. Just recently I came across the same situation, and this time, the subject was my own relative. I got really pissed off at the beginning though I wasn't involved directly. But well, come to think about it, it isn't really worth my effort to be angry at people who doesn't deserve it. 

Anyway, nuff said about work! ((:

Been offered a glimmer of hope when I was almost lost in my routine practice. I have someone awesome in my life now and being pampered by my most awesome parents at home is good. Oopz, guess I have a little though block at the moment plus I do not have a specific topic which I wanna talk about. But am feeling all good becoming right now, with some Christmas carols playing from the woofer and the bf falling asleep on the other couch. Gonna smack him awake. Teeheeee. 

Lonely Christmas

Looking forward to my favorite season of the year, Christmas, but ))): it's gonna be a lonely one..

Be a grown up

Knowing well the degree of obstacles someone had gone through and will be going through for your sake, sometimes I feel ashamed to even ask for more. But why am I always so demanding? ))): 

Finishing O&G

Finally, it's coming to an end. I'm almost done with my third posting! Wheeee~ Now, no more echoes of the fetal heart beat(CTG) to vibrate my eardrums. No more meconium stained liquor to stain my clothes. No more whiff of fishy odor during vaginal examination to make me feel nauseated. I'm just so glad I survived these 4 months! ((: And off to Saigon in less than 48 hours with the bf! ((:

Well, not exactly that happy cuz finishing this posting meaning it's a start of a LDR and I'm not quite a person who loves being away from the people I love. What more when the bf and I have never been apart for more than 3 days since we started. It's gonna be a whole new experience to adapt with, like omigosh, will I miss him too much?? No doubt. Will I be incapacitated from the emptiness?? Certainly, yes. Will the distance crumble our relationship? Well, I hope not. Arghh.. there's just so much to be fearful about. T_T

Sigh, double sigh, triple sigh. Whatever it is, come what may.

Call it PMS

Am missing those days where I got to pen down my emotions and feeling alright after that. This habit had been long lost and every now and then when I feel the need to release them here, I'm often at a loss for words.

Tonight, I get that blues again, just because I'm worried. When you are aware that someone who matters isn't feeling good, you eventually get that hit and feel the same too. Or probably it's just those hormones playing up on me again. Arghh.. I seriously have no idea man!!!

Shelter

Shelter under the colorful splashes of rain

And all I can think about is how sweet that person I love would do this art with me. (:

Graduation

Not exactly something to be proud of, but yeah, I made it through! (:

Dr. Wendy Ter Zu Wei

M.B.B.S. (MMMC)

2006-2011

Hanging by the moment

Honestly, I've never been through a posting where I can't wait to leave and move on to the next. It is this bad, I tell you. During those rough few week of tagging, I would cry my heart out once behind my room's door. When the bf was around, I would be hiding under the blanket or in the toilet just to have a release. It was truly a pathetic sight to be alternating between self-pity, anger and hopelessness. So much of negative feelings in me that I do not even know how to express it at times. It is as though none of the people around me understands what and why I am actually feeling so stressed out. Sometimes I don't even bother explaining. 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' - one of the songs sung by Kelly Clarkson. And also one of the phrases my bf keeps telling me every time I come back home from work with bouts of tears and rants. I had this habit that whenever I was down, I would ask those who'd been through the same situation as me, 'How do you do it?' A part of my own curiosity to know how people survived the situation. And often at times, there wasn't one fixed answer or solution. I stopped asking that now. When you're at the edge and wonder how you should go through, you simply do as you must and go through it because you have to. It's such a burden to carry these feeling for another three long months, but hopefully, I'll turn out just fine.

....

And I wonder if it was too much to ask for more.

That was perhaps the best solution I could ever come out with.

Braces free

Finally after one and a half years! :D But I'm not recommending my dentist cuz someone else could have done a better job. >.<

On another note, it's been more than a month into medical posting yet I still wake up every morning with that groggy feeling just to hit a new low. No pun intended, it's so way off line. I need a blue sky holiday for real to get rid off the current grey sky. 

What's worth fighting for?

I go out of commission every time my life gets into a phase where routine takes its stand. Like I always said, lifeless. The current posting has really worn me inside out. I'm tired. Physically and mentally. And this is just the start of another four long months. I can't figure out exactly what's exhausting and stressing me. My MOs and specialists are all awesome people and I'm getting along well my new colleagues. Perhaps it's just another chapter to readapt with when I'm seriously maladaptive to every new thing I'm introduced to. Sux big time I know. Oh well, I still have to go through it no matter how much I have to rant. (: By hope or by crude. 

It's the 25th again tomorrow. Of all the changes that are happening over the past few months, thank God for one that stands out from the rest. Just so, with a snap of a finger and blink of an eye, it's been two months since I experienced something of a brand new whole. It's a blessing to wake up every morning in the embrace of the one you love. I'm so thankful for having him around during the darkest hours. Nevertheless I've learnt that every relationship isn't always smooth sailing no matter hard we try to maintain it at the second stage. It takes its own ride of rollercoaster as well. What happens in the future, only God knows. After the bad recovery several months ago, I realized there isn't much worth fighting for, for something I know I've no control over. To keep things subtle is always the best because once it's over, it's gonna hurt when it heals. I know it cuz I'm still in fear of replaying that hardest moment I ever had.

Transition Period

"藍天白雲總會再次提醒我, 雨後的天空有美麗彩虹"

And I call this bliss (:

Adapted

I left this blog unattended for more than a month without realizing. Time flies indeed. So just a quick update. Tomorrow's my last day in Paediatrics. Four months into a hectic working life hasn't been easy. It ended up not becoming a challenge but rather a chore I had to force myself to do daily. I pulled through anyhow, thank God. And what turns out to be most rewarding after these four months of frequent rants was the day I met my boss before leaving the department. In fact one of the most encouraging appraisals I'd ever heard just when I thought my life was too robotic. Well, it's no longer routine as somewhere along the way, I started enjoying whatever I was doing. Work became all well and good when I began making more friends, getting familiar with the environment and meeting someone who changed my life, totally. I had the best of all experiences I'd ever wanted. Because we have so much in common, sometimes I can't help but think that when God made me, He must have been thinking about you. (:

Contented

I just wanna stay in this comfort zone for as long as I can. Makes me feel nothing but special and I'm contented. (:

And again...

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

It's a comfort listening to this again. A reminiscence of the turbulent heart that flutters without a direction. Sometimes I feel like giving up, sometimes, just sometimes I know I can't bring myself to do so. It's a pain that weighs up my pride. Hurts deep down but I can't decide for myself what's the best for me, neither can I afford to lose this ecstasy. For all I know, I don't wanna embrace myself once again to go through that stage I reckon to be hell. Suck to be stuck between the lines of fear and guilt. So, whatever...

Christmas Eve 2011

24th December 2011

I never knew that a stretch of 3 days break can be such a treasure till I started working. Give me a day off now, I'm already contented. I went for a scrumptious Korean breakfast with Dr. Sum at Ampang cuz I just can't stop loving the pungent smell of kimchi. Okay, kidding. It was actually Sum's idea to go Korean and dining with Wendy is equivalent to a supernumerary spread of food on table. Says whom it's alot?? We even went for dessert at Snowflake after the fulfilling meal. Holla! I promise I'll refrain myself from eating the next two weeks.

Yummmmmmyummmmm dessert @ Snowflake

@Mid Valley

Returned home and went for a countdown with Mei Cher and Aikumunn @ Papazi and we were lucky enough to win a hamper that night. Revisited that place again on New Year eve to try my luck, but obviously, not so this time.

Delighted with the clapper!

Lucky draw: Aikmunn won a hamper!

Papazi and their treats.

Love from Meicher and Wendy

2012!

*BOOM!!!*********

A toast to the memorable 2011 for another year has come to past and ushering a big welcome to 2012! Proudly will I say, 2011 was a year where I'd learned to be strong from every downfall that had dropped me to the lowest point of life. I pulled through every experience, by God's grace. Alright. Forget about those nostalgic seasons. I had my own felicitous times as well but I won't brag much about them cuz I've had all of them recorded in this virtual journal of mine.

I ushered the coming of 2012 with Gary this year. We were both on our evening shifts and decided to make the night happening after work, despite us knowing that the following day was our day oncall. Yes, on 1st of Jan! Well, I haven't sorted out my new year's resolution. Suppose I'm not that ambitious after all but I will come up with a list of things I wanna fulfill this year soon. May 2012 brings better tidings, great joy and love all year through.

The week where we had two oncalls to pull through. I need more sleep!

See what has work done to us? 24 year-old Wendy vs. 25 year-old Gary. Playing with clapper, blowout and blowing horn.

Happy Nuya!!