I Will Be Good

The negative point about me is I never learn from mistakes. And it's as if I need to be taught a lesson recurrently to keep me in awareness and be reminded about the fall. I claim myself to be really ignorant at times when it comes to the theme of friendship. It throws me into bouts of despondency when my trust is betrayed and as tediously as it may sound, some of you might be wondering why do I even get upset over minor issue as such. I do learn it now, the hard way that is, to be more cautious with acquaintances who cross my life every now and then. Sometimes, significant enough to make them bloom into friendships yet sometimes, just the other way round, foes. But I don't make enemies. Not that I can recall.

I'm pretty much a melancholic, such that I tend to hang on to emotions and thus appear to be more serious and critical. If you're a fun-loving sanguine, you're probably not gonna decipher this sentiment. I used to end up in serious arguments with my parents when I thought they were merely accusing of me being oblivious about other people's intentions. Truth to be told, I was. When I was talking to my best mate about this, I came to realize I lived a life of paradox, an oxymoron - smart failure! Anyways, I can feel the tension building up in me. Everything about me is no longer safe in their hands.

I was once told a story about a priest who wisely instructed the man who spread rumors about him to pick back all the feathers he threw out on the streets. Exactly, how do you collect all the light feathers that are spread across borders? You do not even bear an idea where/how far they've flown. There's no way of retrieving back what is told. What is done, you can't turn back time. I'm a common listener of this dictatorial phrase, 'just let it be, there's nothing you can do about', when I wished there is something I can seriously do out of the impossibility. The fact that I'm being really concerned about what people bear in their speech which may incoherently reflect the subjects of gossip. It's like, 'Hey, are you even civilized? Where are your moral and intellectual advancement? Stone age you're living in? Come on, progress!!' We don't go around turning one's mourning into dancing, do we?

In the end, I still unobtrusively resort to embrace the act of forgiveness and accepting that there's nothing I can do about. I just don't care, is seemingly the only phrase I use to defend myself in the most subtle manner. Thanks to those who remain as true friends all these while. You know who you are and I truly appreciate you above all else.