Two months and counting

I don't remember when and how this feeling came. More than a year ago, I was very certain this day would not come. That was how I affirmed my friends when they asked if I'll ever fall for him. Not at the slightest possibility I figured. I mean, we're really different in terms of character and sentiment and I have my own rationale when love comes into play. Funny how people of two different poles attract inadvertently. As much as I tried to avoid and tell myself that that was just an infatuation, I was actually accentuating my own feelings and breaching my own dictum. Somehow, it happened and we're together. *chuckles*

At times, I still find it unfathomable that I'd made a move. Well, at least I tried and things worked out arbitrarily miraculous despite the fact that I was scarred by multiply strokes of diffidence from past experiences and that had animated a cautious me. My defense mechanism was high. So high, I guarded myself from being read but the broken locks made me an open book instead. It was tough to juggle between comfort and insecurity when a part of me wanted him so badly yet I was unable to balance my own faith. I didn't know how to trust a person. Now I shall pronounce, I have not regretted a single bit because he'd proved me wrong.

I couldn't be more appreciative when every time I asked a question which was ludicrous, he would assure me that I was just worrying too much and everything's gonna be alright. I'm thankful for that and because no one does it better than him. It's hard to maintain at stage 3 and 4 of a relationship while I reckon the 'chase', is still the best part. The flush of excitement from my overworked sympathetic system was all I experienced then. The adrenaline cooled and I'm adjusted to those thrills. I hadn't written much since we entered the 'honeymoon' stage, not because I was bored of it. I just wanted to keep things subtle and be less emotional for I'm already an author of such.

Two months into knowing someone who was once a stranger wasn't at all easy. I was really clingy at first. While I thought this cocoon will provide me a safe sanctuary and aid me from vulnerabilities, I was wrong. It burst and I was freed from my hiding place to be more independent. I was exposed to more vulnerabilities, yet at every stumbling step, I learned something new. Like a run of trial and error, occasionally making mistakes and creating doubts but I began to know him better. I sought for what I had to seek - understanding. That's it! Adaptation by adopting everything about him and make it a part of me. To be comfortable is when we can truly be ourselves but learning how to give and take is crucial. I toned down from being clingy and demanding (though I still do once in a while).

Of course, to complement my imperfection, I need someone who will love me for me, not for what I've done or what I will become. As I read and reread those chat messages, I recognized he's been really easy-going and patient with me despite the fact that I couldn't help throwing tantrum for all sorts of reasons and he'd never complained one bit. He amazed me in a manner of tolerance I thought was long gone in man. One month ago when we met, I was caught in awe for all that he'd done. Decoding and interpreting his actions became an analysis I enjoyed doing during the trip. So, I actually noticed a progression from the point where we started to where we are now. The day when we began was probably arbitrary but today is certainly an effort. Happy 2 months and many more to come!