Make me rainbow, please.

It has to be a bliss when I get a day off now. Work has started and I've been posted to the pediatric department. When my big boss asked if I would take up her challenge to start off with SCN, I swiftly answered 'yes' without even thinking it's gonna be tough. So yeah, being a first poster there ain't easy on the first day when all I knew was nothing! Neonates are so tiny and fragile I didn't even know how to carry them, what more withdrawing blood and doing other invasive procedures? Tagging has so far been really tiring. I leave home every morning at 6.30am and return home at 11pm or later.

I'm really lost since work started. I wake up everyday with this routine cycle of going to work and  coming home, only to realize myself falling asleep right after dinner. I do not have an aim, I do not have anything to look forward to. It's not about the workload I have to handle, neither is it about the stress of getting scolded by bosses(they've been pretty good to me till now). For the first time I'm feeling so alone at a place I'm quite foreign to especially when I have no one close around me. Seniors there are nice and kind and they were the ones who'd taught and helped me a lot, getting me food when we were too busy to grab a bite outside. I'm still trying to fit in to their norms.

I used to wonder how bad can working life be when going through the final exam was already the worst for me at that time. Guess I can empathize the situation of those who are always complaining to me, now that I'm in their shoes. This is not the kind of life I thought it ought to be. This time, I couldn't agree more with Dx that home is where I can find the best comfort when I'm not ready or simply do not have time to handle everything on my own. True enough, I'm having a proper solace every day I'm home from work. All I need is time to settle down while deciding for myself what's best for me.